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Week #2 – Building Momentum

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So, this week ended up being more eventful than the last. I wrote and published two posts this week. One was a crazy short story and the other was a list of life lessons.

Below are my posts from this week. You can read them here and here.

Apart from writing, it turned out to be a good week for the reader in me too. This week I started reading the Wired magazine. I know its not a new magazine but I stumbled upon it for the first time so its a big deal to me.

The entire week it was either cloudy or raining. There was absolutely no sunshine that I can remember. I have been in this part of India for less than a year. So, I don’t know if winter rains are a yearly event or this year its some special occurrence. In any case, it just reaffirmed my stance on rains. I HATE RAINS. And I hate winter rains the most.

Apart from the extreme cold and the inconveniences it causes, sun-less days just turn gloomy for me. I struggle to get out of bed when I am depressed and the cold – rainy weather makes it even more difficult.

Which brings me to my mental state for the week. I have been having trouble falling asleep. I struggle to get out of bed. I have been binge-watching a lot of Netflix. I am not leaving the apartment much. In short, it just feels like the beginning of a negative spiral pushing me deep into the darkness.

Next few weeks – I might be able to stop myself from going deep into depression. But then I might not be able to do that. If that’s the case, I hope I can still function enough to write. But this time, if I do go down the spiral and stop functioning, I won’t be hard on myself. I’ll let it be. I won’t overthink and make it worse for myself.

Sometimes I am glad being functional during the depression as it becomes too easy to hide it from everyone including my therapist and even myself. But on the other hand, I am absolutely terrified of the depression episodes when I am not able to function at all. That’s the worst and nearly impossible to get out of.

I guess I always think of the worst-case scenarios and then my mind does this thing where I start overthinking and coming up with all these different ways to ruin my life.

So, to summarize this week – I was able to build some momentum towards my writing and reading. Depression was a constant companion. Next week would be interesting.

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