Shystoryteller

If I have to summarize this entire week in one word, the word would be ‘Learning’. Not only I worked on several online lessons, I learnt many things about myself that I was not aware of before.

Learning can happen in any way. Online lessons, reading books, talking to experts, even just talking and contemplating teaches us a lot.

I started learning how to take my depression a little lightly. Until now, fear of depression has been distressing me almost as much as actual depression. I have been living my life too full of fears. Too full of seriousness and responsibilities. I need to take my life a little lightly and just enjoy.

While talking to my husband I realised that I don’t even know what constitutes as fun for me. Even when I think about my childhood, I can’t really remember moments when I was completely carefree and just full of joy. I don’t know what happened to me.

So, as per my husband’s advice, I am now doing all sorts of harmless silly things and seeing what feels like fun. I am doing what I should have done when I was ten. But hey, it’s never too late right. Besides, the definition of fun changes throughout our lives. So, even if I didn’t know whats fun when I was a kid, I can still learn my current definition of fun. The only important thing is that I need to identify what brings me joy.

For too long I have lived in stasis – letting my life go on as usual but at the same time constantly wondering when will things change and I will finally start living.

Well, I know the answer now. I need to start living every moment instead of waiting for some arbitrary goal to finally give myself permission to live a happy life.

Another important achievement of this week was building a book fort. Well, not an exact and beautiful fort. But rather surrounding myself with a number of books and moving from one book to another as if I was hiding from something. To be honest, I was hiding from my mental demons. I was afraid to be caught by depression or its buddy anxiety. So I was blissfully hiding with my book buddies.