Shystoyteller

We hear so many success stories. Most of them have very well-defined patterns. Like money, power, even life partners and kids. Then there are stories where we start taking pride in our contribution to other’s success. That, in my opinion, is just showing your desperation.

But why do we have to follow these rules of success? Do we even wait and think if this is what we really want?

The Struggle to Know What I Want

Lately, I have been struggling to figure out what it is that I really want. I mean what I want and not what I think I should be wanting. Not what society wants me to want.
The more I struggle with this basic thing, the more I wonder if others too struggle like me. I am not unique and my struggles can’t be either.

If I look back at my life, I think I have always found it easier when I was told what I should aim for. I loved the clear-cut path given to me. Following a pre-prescribed syllabus of sorts helped me stay on the track I thought I should be on.

Now, when my life is thrown out of that set path, when I have no clue where I am and what I am doing with my life, I have no clue what I even want anymore.

When You Don’t Know Where You Want to Go

“You can’t be lost if you don’t know where you want to go.”

This line from Alice in Wonderland hits me hard. I think that has been my experience with children’s books anyway. The best children’s books keep giving me life lessons as I grow up.

So, I can’t say that I am lost if I don’t even have a destination in mind.

My Evolution of Success

Success had different meanings for me at different stages of my life.

The School Years: Being the “Good Girl”

In school, getting good grades and not getting scolded by elders was my definition of success. And guess what, I was damn good at that. I don’t think I ever got punished in school. I was a teacher’s pet. I got good grades. I was the definition of a good girl.

But does that have an impact on my life right now? Absolutely not.

Even if I had gotten a few lesser marks and gotten a few more scoldings, it wouldn’t have changed my life in any significant way.

The things that did make a difference in my life were not a criteria of success at that time. And that remained the same throughout my life.

Following the Prescribed Path

I kept following the prescribed path to achieve success—get good grades in school, go to a good college, get a degree, get a job, get a higher degree, get a better job, get married. I did all that. In that specific order. There were more things in my path I never got to: buying a house, kids, and what not.

Now, I wonder what’s the point of all that. Did I really feel happy as I moved from one milestone to the next? Did I feel happy for myself or did I feel happy because of the social validation I was getting?

And that’s the tricky part, isn’t it?

The Blurred Lines Between Personal Desire and Social Conditioning

Which thoughts are your own and which are put in your mind by outside factors? But at the end, does it really matter?

Does it really matter if I followed the prescribed path because I wanted to or because society conditioned me to follow it? If society did succeed in conditioning me to want that, then it became a part of me. Rather, it made me a part of it.

Either I convince you or you convince me.

So, back then that’s what I wanted. If society managed to convince me of so many things at that age, then it could have convinced me now too. Then I wouldn’t have been wondering what I want.

The Modern Pressure Cooker

And to some extent, society still keeps trying to mold me a certain way. With social media and various marketing channels, we are constantly bombarded with messaging telling us exactly what is wrong with us and what we need to do to fix ourselves. And how if we are not following a certain set of steps, then we are not worth anything.

Now getting a job is not enough. You need to have a side hustle too. Having a loving family is not enough—you need to post pictures to show the world.

The expectations have increased. The new syllabus is right there.

Breaking Free and Creating My Own Path

It’s just that I don’t want to follow that anymore. Or rather, I haven’t found a syllabus I am interested in following right now.

So, either I make my own syllabus for life or I keep searching. The benefit of looking for a syllabus is that even if I do not like the entire thing, I might find some stuff I am interested in, and that can go into my own DIY plan.

I can make my own life’s syllabus for success. Make my own milestones.

Moving Forward: The Journey Continues

The beauty of creating your own definition of success is that it’s uniquely yours. It doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else. It doesn’t have to follow conventional timelines or check traditional boxes.

Maybe success for me isn’t about climbing ladders or accumulating achievements. Maybe it’s about understanding myself better each day. Maybe it’s about finding contentment in small moments. Maybe it’s about having the courage to question everything I’ve been told I should want.

The truth is, I’m still figuring it out. And perhaps that’s okay. Perhaps the process of questioning, of refusing to blindly follow prescribed paths, is success in itself.
After all, how can you create an authentic life if you never pause to ask what authenticity means to you?

What does success mean to you? Have you ever questioned whether your goals are truly your own? I’d love to hear your thoughts on creating your own life’s syllabus.