Where workplace drama grows on trees
Latest Office Tea
Anonymous_Woodsman47 – Posted 23 minutes ago
Y’all… I can’t even with what happened in the break room today. Little Red from Marketing was microwaving her grandmother’s leftovers AGAIN and the smell was so bad that the Three Bears from Facilities had to open all the windows. Like, we get it, your grandma makes a mean casserole, but some of us are trying to eat lunch without gagging.
ThirdPiggyEngineer – Posted 19 minutes ago
@Anonymous_Woodsman47 At least she’s not like Goldilocks from HR who keeps eating everyone else’s food and claiming it was “just right” for her diet. I’ve had THREE yogurts stolen this week. THREE.
CinderellaFromAccounting – Posted 1 hour ago
Anyone else notice how the Evil Queen from C-Suite has been even more passive-aggressive lately? She literally asked me in the elevator yesterday if I thought I was “the fairest of them all” in handling the quarterly reports. Like ma’am, this is a WENDYS (okay fine, it’s corporate accounting, but still).
And don’t even get me started on how she made that weird comment about my stepsisters in Procurement being more “naturally gifted” at vendor relations. The favoritism is REAL.
Anonymous_Prince_Charming – Posted 58 minutes ago
@CinderellaFromAccounting Bro, she did the same thing to me! Asked if I thought I was “God’s gift to the Sales department.” Like, I mean… I AM pretty good at closing deals, but the way she said it was definitely not a compliment 😅
Also lowkey she keeps staring at me through her office window. It’s giving stalker vibes ngl.
Anonymous_Dwarf_7 – Posted 45 minutes ago
The Queen’s been weird with everyone lately. She made Doc from Medical file a formal complaint because he was “too happy” during the mandatory wellness meeting. Apparently smiling is now considered “disruptive workplace behavior.”
BigBadWolfSales – Posted 3 hours ago
OKAY I’m just gonna say it – the whole “open door policy” thing is BULL. I’ve been trying to get a meeting with the Three Little Pigs in Management for WEEKS about my territory expansion proposal, and they keep saying they’re “too busy building stronger foundations” or whatever.
Meanwhile, they approved Goldilocks’ budget request in like 5 minutes. Make it make sense???
Anonymous_Pig_2 – Posted 2 hours ago
@BigBadWolfSales Maybe if you didn’t literally blow down their office door last time you wanted to discuss quarterly projections… Just saying. Glass houses and all that.
BigBadWolfSales – Posted 2 hours ago
@Anonymous_Pig_2 That was ONE TIME and the door was clearly defective! Also who even uses straw for office construction in 2024??? That’s a safety hazard waiting to happen.
RapunzelFromIT – Posted 5 hours ago
Is it just me or has the office building gotten weirder lately? I swear the elevator only goes up when I’m trying to go down, and yesterday I found a spinning wheel in the supply closet?? Like, what do we even need that for? We’re not a textile company!
Also the new security system is trash. I’m working from the top floor and people keep trying to climb up the building using my ethernet cables as rope. IT IS NOT LOAD-BEARING, PEOPLE.
Anonymous_Witch_East – Posted 4 hours ago
@RapunzelFromIT That spinning wheel is mine, I put it there for my “lunch break meditation.” And before anyone asks, yes, I have permission from Facilities. Sort of.
Also maybe if you didn’t dangle your cables out the window like some kind of technological Rapunzel situation, people wouldn’t try to climb them???
BeautyFromBeastMarketing – Posted 6 hours ago
Can we talk about how TOXIC the company culture has become? The Beast in upper management literally threw a chair across the conference room yesterday because someone suggested we rebrand our “Happily Ever After” campaign.
Like sir, this is a MARKETING MEETING, not your personal therapy session. Some of us are just trying to do our jobs without getting furniture thrown at us.
Anonymous_Enchanted_Rose – Posted 5 hours ago
@BeautyFromBeastMarketing To be fair, he’s been under a lot of pressure since the whole “curse lifting” performance review. But yeah, the anger management issues are getting out of hand. Maybe suggest he talk to the Fairy Godmother in Employee Relations?
BeautyFromBeastMarketing – Posted 5 hours ago
@Anonymous_Enchanted_Rose Bold of you to assume Fairy Godmother actually helps with anything. She just waves her wand around and says everything will work out “with a little magic.” Like, Karen, I need actual HR intervention, not sparkles and false hope.
Anonymous_StepsisterProcurement – Posted 8 hours ago
WHY is no one talking about the blatant nepotism in this company??? Cinderella gets promoted to Senior Accountant after ONE good quarterly report, meanwhile I’ve been in Procurement for THREE YEARS with perfect performance reviews and I’m still stuck doing inventory.
And don’t even get me started on how she gets to leave early every day because she has “family obligations.” We ALL have family obligations, Susan!!!
GlassShoeFinder – Posted 7 hours ago
@Anonymous_StepsisterProcurement Maybe if you didn’t spend half your day complaining about other people’s success and actually focused on your own work performance… Just a thought 🤷♀️
Also her name is literally on her email signature, you know her name isn’t Susan.
Anonymous_WoodcutterMaintenance – Posted 10 hours ago
New guy here, started last week in Facilities. Is it normal for the office to have a gingerbread house in the parking lot? Like, is that someone’s car or…? Also there are breadcrumbs leading to it and I’m getting some real bad vibes.
Should I report this to security or is this just “company culture”?
HanselAndGretelIntern_1 – Posted 9 hours ago
@Anonymous_WoodcutterMaintenance DUDE DO NOT GO NEAR THAT HOUSE. Trust me. Like, seriously trust me on this one.
HanselAndGretelIntern_2 – Posted 9 hours ago
@Anonymous_WoodcutterMaintenance What my brother said. Also maybe don’t eat anything from the office kitchen for a while. Just… bring your own lunch.
JackFromBeanstalkSales – Posted 12 hours ago
Anyone else think the new “performance climbing” initiative is basically just asking us to steal from our competitors? Like, I’m all for aggressive sales tactics, but literally breaking into other companies’ offices and taking their “golden” clients feels… legally questionable?
Also why do we have a giant in the office now? He keeps stomping around and yelling about his property. It’s very distracting.
Anonymous_Giant_Legal – Posted 11 hours ago
@JackFromBeanstalkSales I AM NOT YELLING. THIS IS MY NORMAL SPEAKING VOICE. ALSO, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID.
Anonymous_ForestWorker – Posted 14 hours ago
Petition to get actual coffee in the break room instead of whatever swamp water the office manager keeps brewing. I asked what brand it was and she just cackled and said “special blend.”
Like, ma’am, I just want to know if it’s Fair Trade.
Anonymous_Witch_Swamp – Posted 13 hours ago
@Anonymous_ForestWorker It’s locally sourced! Very sustainable! Lots of… natural ingredients.
(Also stop calling it swamp water, it’s “Artisanal Bog Brew” and I worked very hard on the recipe.)
REMINDER:
This forum is for anonymous venting only. Please keep all complaints here and DO NOT take them to actual HR. We all know how that ended for the last person who tried…
-Management
Latest Poll: Who’s most likely to be the reason our office got voted “Most Toxic Workplace in the Enchanted Forest” three years running?
- [ ] Evil Queen (C-Suite)
- [ ] The Beast (Upper Management)
- [ ] Whoever keeps stealing lunches (probably Goldilocks)
- [ ] All of the above
- [ ] The magic mirror in the bathroom that won’t stop giving unsolicited life advice
Current results: “All of the above” leading at 73%
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